I think I used to be this interesting person. I consumed a lot of information … blogs, books, podcasts, tv … and I had a lot of thoughts … some were fairly creative … and I had plans … things I wanted to try and time to try them.
Tom and Jack are gone this weekend to see Tom’s mom. I am home enjoying some “me” time … only it’s kind of weird … having nothing to do. No baby to take care, no logistics to figure out (who’s going feed him, who’s going to run the errands, what order are we going to run the errands in for max efficiency). I was trying to think of the best way to spend this very rare day all to myself and I came up blank. I couldn’t come up with a single interesting thing to do with my one day. There were things that I wanted to do … but how do you learn to play piano in one day? Or read a whole book? Or redo a whole kitchen? How could I possible cram the sum total of all the things I want to accomplish into one day? I can’t. So I’m pretty much doing nothing. Which seems wasteful and sort of sad.
I had a moment today when I was puttering around in my kitchen microwaving myself some lunch … that not too long ago this was my life. An endless stretch of totally free Saturdays laid out before me. It made no difference what I did this one in particular because I knew that there would always be the next one. And Sunday. And free evenings.
I’m not saying that I’m not happy. I love Tom and Jack more than I knew I could love anything. And I love my life. Laughing the days away with my family is the best gift I have ever been given.
But just for a very brief moment today I wanted this back. The quiet. The space. The time. The endless possibility.
So how do you balance both? How do you carve out “me” time in a life that is so full? And how I make sure that Tom is getting the time he needs also?
Maybe this is the benefit to being so busy … you stop asking questions.